EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!!

 

Shocking developments of a rather confusing nature!!!

 

Edmond: ‘Tis the season of witches, ghouls, mystery and masquerade—and according to our sources, Gerald Flurry has finally decided to get into the spirit of All Hallows Eve by donning yet another farcical (but highly entertaining) mask. In fact, this one is so good even we were baffled by it. It seems the beloved Fuehrer has decided that he is, in fact, an apostle. That’s right folks, he’s added yet another title to his burgeoning resume. According to our informants, who recently had the pleasure of listening to a sermon by the man himself, Flurry came to this conclusion via—get this—logic. It seems that, according to the biblical model, God speaks directly to prophets, but only indirectly to apostles. Flurry realized, after two decades of claiming the prophetic role, that God doesn’t actually talk to him! Shocking, I know. But instead of demoting himself to the rank of evangelist, he decided that he deserved a raise. That’s right: Gerald Flurry is now on the same level as the Apostles Peter, Paul and (ostensibly) David Pack. The really curious aspect of all this is that even though Flurry has officially proclaimed his switch from prophet to apostle, he retains the title “That Prophet.” Hey, he wrote a book about it and everything, so it’s kinda difficult to put that (black) cat back into the bag. Obviously we’ll be monitoring this breaking story with considerable relish and we’ll bring you additional information as soon as it becomes available through our various channels. Stay tuned!

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12 thoughts on “EXTRA!!! EXTRA!!!

  1. @ Splintersurfer, regarding the Gulfstream II: The rumor while I was living at A.C. was that one of the reasons they bought the original 160 acres was the landing strip which had already been constructed on the property. Later they found out it was too short for a Learjet to take off, and since it’s hard to retain your Prophetic (or Apostolic) dignity flying around in a Piper Cub crop-duster, they shelved the idea. Thus, members were saved the +/- $5 million cost of a shiny new Gulfstream.

  2. It’s funny how they feel the need to monitor all of our sites and read our articles, while at the same time scaring members with the horrendous dangers of reading “dissident literature.” Aren’t they worried that they’ll somehow get a contact infection by reading too many logical, fact-based articles???

    • It’s elementary, really. Control of information. Another reason I believe many at the top are duplicitous, attracted to the upper echelons of the cult by the promise of a free ride: wealth and power–and the relative luxury of not having to do productive work to attain them. Of course, this attraction is working on the non-duplicitous just as surely, without their knowledge. But the willingness to control information (especially information that is eminently verifiable) is, to me, an indication of something more sinister than wholesale self-deception.

  3. I dare any PCoG member that reads this blog to post a comment! They are all too cowardly to do so but so eager to see what we are saying….

  4. I wouldn’t assume they are all cowardly. Sometimes it is just being wise and prudent to comment under a pen name. If they have questions and are checking things out, that’s fine. But at some point — once they have indisputable facts — they must step out and take a stand because “perfect love casts out fear” the bible says (which they are supposed to believe in). In the mean time I hope they will feel free to get involved in the discussion.

    • I hope so too, Chuck. But that’s a long shot. The PCG sheep are so brainwashed against critically examining their beliefs that it’s hard to imagine any of them being interested in an honest discussion. The ones who can manage anything better than, “Shame on you!” (for example), are almost assuredly members of one of the more liberalizing splinters. I consider these mindless sheep to be the real enemy, since without them there could be no cults. They create the demand for charlatans like Flurry, and the sheep get what they want–to the inevitable detriment of their children.

  5. I was wondering when Flurry would finally do it! Now he has to come up with something even better to one up Herb! Is he shaving his head to look more like grandfather Herb?

    • 1) Dammit!

      2) Yeah, well he did a piss-poor job of it. Bob Thiel’s superstitions are no less superstitious than Flurry’s. And he apparently didn’t even know that Flurry already has ordained several evangelists, which was actually quite clear from the co-worker letter (after all, it was part of Flurry’s so-called “logic” for why he must be an apostle). Have no fear, though, we’re still working on a high-quality response that isn’t an excuse to preach nonsense.

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